Threads of Dread #8

ShopItToMe.com was initially a great idea. It helped me gauge what stores might have apparel I'd be interested in purchasing without setting foot in a mall. It clued me into sales I was not be aware of. But some things needed some tweaking: I was able to give a range of prices which I'd be willing to spend, but I couldn't stipulate for what items. For instance, I'd spend $75 on shoes, but not on accessories. And since I allowed for all designers to be listed within my spending parameters, as to not limit myself from missing the one gem that may be listed by some grandma store that I'd otherwise not step foot in, I got a lot of overpriced items I'd never wear.

But then came Covet.com, basically an answer to all my ShopItToMe.com gripes. Not only can I pick my spending meter per category, but it also sent me through a ton of check points to help cater to the styles I would actually wear. I was also able to nix anything that would never be caught dead on this body (like white pants, yuck.)

In each email, I get to "yay" or "nay" the items sent to me so that the Covet personal shopper can cater even more to my personal taste. I find that there are more unique items that spring up on Covet such as funky purses, strange patterned tops, and asymmetrical cuts. I am diggin' it, so far.

Today, on day 4 of my Covet.com free membership, this featured item popped the Covet.com cherry of good taste:

SR SQUARED by Sondra Roberts Double Pocket Mini Bag

I don't know if I despise this bag or really, really love it. It is like having a biker chick's bra on your arm. It removes that awkward moment when you really want to ask a leather-clad mamma, "Do you have any gum?" only to watch her go digging around the twins for some Juicy Fruit. (Maybe this happens to me more than most people....) This bag comes equipped with zippers to fill your own girls with all sorts of stuff. The boobie tassels lend a nice flourish to the overall spectacle.

This minor atrocity has an element of whimsy that has not put me off Covet.com or even designer Sondra Roberts--her other bags, aside from one listed on Endless.com that sort of resembles a hoochie tank top, are really quite edgy and lovely. I look forward to seeing what other craziness this new website sends my way.

Threads of Dread #7

Evil Genius Destroyed...."Tee", $38 (on sale for $19.99) 

Sample review quote: "i purchased this in the white and love it. the fit is loose, but comes in perfectly at the bottom. the holes are so perfectly placed to show the right amount of skin. i wear it with just a bra, but it looks cute with a cami underneath as well. so unique, worth the price!"

Dear Purchasers of the Evil Genius Destroyed...."Tee",

I want to make you aware that the $38 plus shipping and tax which you paid for this tattered piece of cloth could have fed a bunch of starving babies. Or helped to immunize animals with rabies shots. Or gone to aiding flood victims. Or paid for my electricity bill.

I hope you realize that I wrote "cloth" instead of "shirt" because the above does not qualify as a garment. It's like 60% shirt, at best. You should be grateful I even used "cloth"instead of "rag", as I was initially tempted to do.

I "dig" how this look can be construed as "edgy," "badass," or even "punk," but the machine-made holes quantifies it more as "really fucking stupid." It scares me that there are people like you who do not realize you could have made this on your own using any shirt in the world and a pair of scissors or other sharp tool. Not only would that have been more fiscally responsible, but also more unique.

God-willing, your parents footed the bill for this and shall do so for all things for the rest of your life. I hope that you will live off your trust fund until the day you die so you are never outfitted with any sort of responsibility in a power position. If you are a med, poli-sci or law student, I will seriously shit myself.

Love,

ThreadsofDread

Threads of Dread #6

Free People Flirty Halter Mini Dress

Standard Oompa Loompa uniform

Need I say more?

Threads of Dread #5

Open toe boots: The women's shoe equivalent to the ironic mustache.


This latest fashion atrocity showed up on a Sale Mail email with a huge price slash from $250 to $75--with good reason.


The whole purpose of a boot is to be protective to the foot and leg, particularly during cold or inclement weather so, like, wtf, toe cutout? Way to take away from all purposes of wearing a boot. Btw, thanks for also allowing for a vent for the always alluring foot-in-boot-funk to escape.


If whoever developed this has a secret camera capturing every chump who purchases this footwear, then I give you a high five for making a visual to aid in idiot detection. Otherwise? Massive fail, Dolce Vita.

Threads of Dread #4

There has not yet been a publicized fashion faux pas that has moved me enough to post it here. It would be redundant of me to blog about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears or some Fall Out Boy has-been.  But today, on the day of Barack Obama's birth, a political figure has pushed me to go, "Oh mah gawd, f'serious, boy?!"


I wonder what Sarah Palin thought when she looked outside and saw this:

(Image Copyright TMZ 2009)

Behold the Putin.


It's like an Abercrombie ad gone horribly, horribly wrong. You might want to lay off the vodka, there, Putie.


Yowza.

Threads of Dread #3

Free People was formerly one of my favorite clothing brands. It's sold primarily at Urban Outfitters, a Philadelphia original now the fashion beacon to cookie-cutter hipsters everywhere. The Free People label supposedly originated as the thrift bin tucked in the back of the first Urban Outfitters store and soon became a clothing line inspired by vintage apparel. The hippie, soft vibe of the clothes, usually equipped with lace details, mismatched yet flattering color combos and unique shapes, helped the brand become a staple in my college closet. Over time, Free People became Expensive People. T-shirts for $50? No me gusta.


Despite no longer shelling out for Free People threads, I am always amused at the Free People stock that shows up in my SaleMail emails. Sometimes I look longingly. Today, much to my dismay, I spied the above travesty of fashion: the Velvet Strands Headband. I have insane hair that could use a good squashing down by some hair accessory apparatus, but this is a glorified rubber band wishing it was doing some Pochantas bullshit. In reality, it makes ones head look like a hairy octopus.


I have seen this phenomenon appear in photos of people on Facebook. I have also seen the trend on the streets. For every person that looks sort of throwback cool in this get-up, there are another 9 who look like deformed octopai. Deformed octopai who spent $24 on a piece of string.



I am sure some could argue that I am just being judgmental and making fun. To those people I say, go drop acid and cry about it to some indie rock.

Threads of dread #2

"What the fuck are those things?" -  Paul

This heinous atrocity was featured here.  Look out future generations: claustrophobia and poor fashion sense are comin' to getcha!

Run away! Run away!

Oh wait....you can't!

Suckah!

Threads of dread #1

Every day ShopItToMe sends me a list of clothing items I might like to purchase.

Today's stand-out item: tramp stamp pants!

This is a new low for Bloomingdales, a new high for clothing hilarity!

Welcome to Threads of Dread

When it comes to fashion, it's a drag to be a girl. Sure, we have a plethora of styles to pick from, tons of baubles to adorn ourselves with, massive amounts of heel heights to plunge our toes into, but really...it is just exhausting. This blog attempts to highlight the ridiculous things women have to slay in the fashion jungle. Enjoy!